It's been a while since I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I do not like what I saw. I saw a disheveled person standing there. A person that is humongous, defiant, proud and well...unsure of herself.
But what did I really see? Why do I tend to avoid looking at the mirror? The truth is, I saw what is beyond my reflection. I saw what is beyond the physical image.
I saw that person standing small, unsure and frightened, confused and frustrated, angry and bewildered. The person I saw, was somebody broken and shattered in spirit. I do not like what I saw. I definitely did not. What I saw was my inner core, and I cannot accept what I have become.
What has happened to me? When did I let myself go? Where was my once proud self who can compete and talk to anybody if I wish to? Now, I live my life in hiding. I cannot accept myself. I am ashamed of me. Everyday, I feel like I am being sucked into that downward spiral called misery, and I hate that.
How do you confront this kind of shame? How do you get out of this quicksand? How?
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