Defeat the self-defeatist attitude

How do you defeat an enemy that you are so afraid to face?
How do you defeat the negative side of yourself?

Have you ever had that moment where you felt that you are not good enough? That you are always bound to fail? I do. I have this self-defeatist attitude. I am struggling REALLY HARD to overcome this. You see, I always wanted to be somebody. Not equally famous, but at least somebody in my own right. To know that I can do something that can rival anybody in equal passion.



I am overly stressed over the things that I worry about, of which I have no control over. These things are not to my advantage at the moment and there is really nothing I can do but suck it up. Instead of channeling my stress to something productive and positive, I end up sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I don't want people to come to me, or be near me.

I feel that every time that I have to do something, such as taking an exam or go to a job interview. It already is doomed to fail. I just feel like they see that I'm no good. But that's it, I JUST FEEL THEM! I think that they think I am that! How do you defeat that? For the longest time, I have always been a pessimist and because of that I have limited myself from doing certain functions and going to several social occasions because I feel that I DO NOT BELONG.

I searched all over the internet, looked for the SELF-DEFEATIST ATTITUDE, see if I can find something that can help me recover from this madness. I have found some, and I thought that they are helpful in letting me deal with my own demons.

Here they are:

1. Pay attention to your thoughts. When you think of something negative, write them down. Read it carefully and re-assess yourself of where it is coming from. Stop feeling sorry for yourself or telling yourself that you cannot do stuff. Yes, you can if things are doable.

2. Have measurable and realistic goals. Surely, once upon a time, I wanted to wake up one day that I have money, tons of it. Work for it! I might not end up becoming a millionaire, but I can sure stop myself from going poor. I can work, and I can work well.

3. Believe in yourself that you can do it, because no one else will. You can only count on yourself. That's the hard truth. People can be there for you, but they cannot walk your shoes for you. You have to do it yourself. If you are not going to believe that you can do it, why would they? That's easy to say, to me, personally, the more people are expectant, the more likely I am to fail. I don't know why, and that's another thing I want to stop.

4.Stop running away from your problems. This is so me in many levels, if I feel that the going gets tough, I make the french exit, fast! I don't know when that started, or why, but when I get really, really scared I am most likely to run away. But I know that there are situations that no matter how much you want to hide, you have to face the music. What I do is, I confront what really scares me. There is a pattern that I noticed about myself though, if for example I go to a surgical operation appointment and have somebody with me, I tend to buckle out. I become a coward. But if I go there alone, I am so scared yet so courageous that I just have to face it once and for all. Perhaps because nobody is there to support me that I have to count on myself.

5. Accept Yourself. This sounds like an overly exploited phrase, but it's the only thing that can really help you. You have to accept yourself that YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. That there are things that you cannot do, and that there is always somebody who is going to be better than you. Heck, I know that, but I just can't help feeling this way! I am so scared of failing, or feeling humiliated, that I feel like if there is something that I cannot do, the shame would be so overwhelming that I tend to think the people around me would say in their mind that I am no good.

I really want to go to that interview and let myself shine, maybe even if I am really cringing inside. This is my fear and I cannot allow this to be my prison. Nobody can do this but me. So, hopefully, I can cross the bridge. It will never be over. It will be a constant struggle, but at least I know the outcome just for going. If ever I will fail, there is more to gain from it. I know what I'm supposed to do, but that evil thing in front of me is telling me a big NO. When did I become such a push-over? Move over cry-baby, I'm taking control.




Source:

Tightrope: How to claim victory over a defeatist attitude