Reflection in the Mirror

It's been a while since I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I do not like what I saw. I saw a disheveled person standing there. A person that is humongous, defiant, proud and well...unsure of herself.

But what did I really see? Why do I tend to avoid looking at the mirror? The truth is, I saw what is beyond my reflection. I saw what is beyond the physical image.

I saw that person standing small, unsure and frightened, confused and frustrated, angry and bewildered. The person I saw, was somebody broken and shattered in spirit. I do not like what I saw. I  definitely did not. What I saw was my inner core, and I cannot accept what I have become.

What has happened to me? When did I let myself go? Where was my once proud self who can compete and talk to anybody if I wish to? Now, I live my life in hiding. I cannot accept myself. I am ashamed of me. Everyday, I feel like I am being sucked into that downward spiral called misery, and I hate that.

How do you confront this kind of shame? How do you get out of this quicksand? How?

Challenge Yourself!

I absolutely agree to this statement! Instead of sulking my a** here over many things, I'd rather use that negativity to develop myself. I want to be better. I don't want to be proving anybody wrong, but I want to prove myself that I can be better. Self-Assessment is good for you when the things tough up.

What better way to do that than challenge yourself? Here's my 'bucket list' of challenges set out for myself to accomplish this year:

Self-Assessment

Everything seems fuzzy lately. I am so confused and bewildered with my life that I don't really get what's going on. I constantly over-think. I worry about things that I cannot control.

For a time there, I thought I was good enough. I was told I was good at something. You know what? I am not. That's not true. I do not know what I am worth. That may be the reason people take me for granted as well. What I give out to the world reflects back. If I think I am not worthy? Why would they think that I am, right?

Lost Inside My Mind

I am definitely out of my mind as of late. I don't know how to get in touch with my reality. There are so much on my mind lately that you can be literally talk to me and I wouldn't be able to hear or understand you.

Physically present but mentally absent. Do you ever have that? I think this is depression all over again.

The Useless Person

Photo Credits: daniela09.edublogs.org

 Tonight, after coming home from the gym, my mom told me something. I was tired, I was sweaty and I really don't have the patience to listen to nagging or advice or help after being constantly berated about my laziness, stubbornness, being a slow-poke or whatever there is you can say about me day-in and day out.